The Real Me

Who am I ? This is a genuine question worth to ask for everyone. After all, the real purpose of living is to live the real me out. The past week was not easy. I am emotionally on edge because of I cannot meet my expectation of myself.

Who am I? Today 3am I get the e-mail from America People's Daily, saying they want to terminate the cooperation. Part of our rights have actually been offended, and Grace and I are seeking advices from lawyers.

I have never expected the trip will go on this trap, but through the emotional and relational harshness,  I begin to reflect on myself. Jerry asked me, who are you, who are this girl that is so special？ So that you think what you can speak, anyone else cannot speak; so that what you think anyone else cannot think of? I still do not have an answer for it. But I believe one day I will find the core of myself.

Zhi Sheng said I am clearly Romantic person. The way I dress, the way I talk, and the way I portray myself.He also predict I can only do things that I am passion about, and do not care anything else. To an extent, the statement is very true.

I love the feeling of love. I enjoy expressing love. For me, one of my fundamental believe is that words have power. Language is a powerful tool to create reality. That's why I want to go for  a master courses after graduate too.

I do not have much more time to lost. Action, towards your dream. It is now or never. !

Goldman Sachs Investment Banking Vice President.

I am gradually realizing the importance of being professional, and ask myself what is my dream indeed. If I really want to be an artist, why I sat on the table of bankers every time there is a career talk?

I was not in a right emotion this two days. It is called emotion, so that means it is unreasonable. My rational mind is not at rest, yet I just felt powerless over the project and school works and all the incidences I had been through. 

After writing this few lines, I got a conclusion: I want to be powerful, no matter that is intellectually, financially or "politically", wait, you know I do not like politics. But I am fighting for my power, no matter that power comes in soft or hard.

Goldman Sachs was once like a world on another ends to me, so remote and unreachable. However now I ego is growing. :) or let's put it nicer: my confidence is growing. There is nothing "inhuman" and "godlike" in those people.  For sure they are fairly successful, yet they seems humble, on ground, they are not creating the image that they are above anyone. I think those people are just hard working, smart, self-driven.

I am thinking of Christina, if I am not wrong, I know she will be an awesome banker.

Pray, I am not sure about my path. May it be a IT consultant, Advertiser, Producer, Financial Analyst, Singer, Song writer,  or "Day dreamer".  I give it to God, and I know he is wise enough to decide my route.

Let's focusing on the work of today form NUS now. Blogging task ends. :)

Life as a meditation

I am in NUS I3, thanks for my friend B. I might survive in this Holocaust Season. Every module is a war for me.
Sometimes, I feel life is awesome when you are surrounded with cool people.
It is like when two of your friends get in JP Morgen in Hong Kong and New York; one of your friends works in Credit Suisse Singapore; another is going to Washington  to start a company, how bad can you be.

I am not sure, I feel I am not very competent. S said I am much better than mainland people he met, yet I have to acknowledge the difficulties I have in English, in programming, in school. The intellectual game was once my favorite, now I get hurts, but I am not letting go.

Sure, quit is not in my dictionary.

Buddha once taught the general, the most efficient way of meditation is living as a meditation.

If it is so, the only enlightenment I got now, is that I shall be humble and humble.

Mar 25 2012, I need to face reality.

I am living in a subjective world at the margin of reality, people said.
I become easy to be contented with this attitude. I lost in my day dream, they are vivid, colorful, reflecting on my ambition and real intention.

I know there are several deadlines, yet I went for After Effect Workshop, Cyema Talk to give a speech and met G after that. The home work is not very hard, at least IS3242. If it is not because of Language, I believe I am competent to deal to more complex and metaphysical problems. While I went to cheers for supper milk, I found hips of people are staying up, working.

I do not like stressed life. It is already 3 am and the truth made me feel uncomfortable. But I know this is the reality. Everyone is striving for their best. You have to take the battle, or die.

I paid the cashier, while thinking, is there anything I want to achieve not because of the economical reward, but the pure fact that I am content with my result.
I think arts. If I can create something beautiful, I will be happy.

May it be report, and scientific discovery? The IT analysis I am doing now? The programs I need to write for different modules. I shall try to program my neroathway in a new method.

Another thing about this blog is, the most visited posts are all about technology.

Collection of Programming Language

Suddenly, I want to summarize the programming language I have learned or know about.  It is interesting to live like a experiment. As she has said, and when I know I could not type logically. It is time to go to bed.
C
C++
C supports a rich set of operators, which are symbols used within an expression to specify the manipulations to be performed while evaluating that expression. C has operators for:

• arithmetic: +, -, *, /, %
• assignment: =
• augmented assignment: +=, -=, *=, /=, %=, &=, |=, ^=, <<=, >>=
• bitwise logic: ~, &, |, ^
• bitwise shifts: <<, >>
• boolean logic: !, &&, ||
• conditional evaluation: ? :
• equality testing: ==, !=
• calling functions: ( )
• increment and decrement: ++ and --
• member selection: ., ->
• object size: sizeof
• order relations: <, <=, >, >=
• reference and dereference: &, *, [ ]
• sequencing: ,
• subexpression grouping: ( )
• type conversion: (typename)

Java
JavaBean

Database:
SQL
PHP

JavaScript
ActionScript

Markup language :
XML
HTML

Handel's Messiah - The people that walked in darkness

Paper One: In the song “The people that walked in darkness” from Handel’s Messiah, how does the music relate to the words? How is the music independent of the words? You should concentrate on just this one piece, providing a close reading of it and proffering one clear idea. Paper One is an important diagnostic tool for your instructor. It also allows you to examine the relationship between music and text, which is an important theme in this course.

Are we continuously walking in darkness?  When will it be the right place, right time for us to live the right life ? The orchestral music like a permanent question, deep and thought provoking. One can muse over it, what is the meaning of walking this life, what is the darkness that always accompany us? The shadow that we never let go. The secrets that make us whole.  
The melody fits perfectly with the lyric. The ups and downs sounds like a thinker pondering over  a puzzle unsolved. This is a mixture of pain and hope which is parallel with the sweet-bitter nature of life. We walk in the darkness, but we are under a great light. No matter the lyric was song in English or German, the rhythms of the words fit with the rhythms of the melody seamlessly.
Apart form the lyric, the melody alone is a wonderful narrator. The orchestra was reviewing the main storyline, while violin came in as a response or satellite. And the different kinds of instrument formed a conversation between themselves.  People walk in darkness, who still believe in the guidance in their heart, will actually never feel alone. It is not always good for a man to seek internal reference point. But I do believe, only after you have a strong internal reference system, can one not loss in the complex society.

And I believe the one who understand arts, are tapping the most valuable legacies in human history.

2012 Issue 1

Topic: To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities. 

As collective representation, society has its unique characteristics like individuals. And its distinctive ambiance vibrates in every aspect of people’s life. However, it is arguable whether it is necessary to visit all the major cities of a country to understand its culture. And I would like to articulate that from several perspectives.

Firstly, the characteristics of a society may not be preserved in major cities. For example, the culture in southern China is largely represented in small towns. By visiting major cities in southern China, one cannot get the full picture of Chinese culture. Similar condition exists in southern France, too. Therefore, major cities may not be an ideal sample to study a society. One can easily draw unilateral conclusion by neglecting cities that do not qualified for being a major city but significant in terms of culture preserving.  

Secondly, it is not necessary to visit all major cities if some of them have homogenous features. The life styles of different cities are not always the same. But in a rapid globalized and commercialized world, major cities that adopt to consumerism are identical in a large present. If two cities located in neighborhood, the chance for them being indistinguishable is higher. Therefore, it may not be necessary to visit every major city to understand the characteristic of a society. For example, even for cities of different countries but have similar histories can end up being culturally alike. Hong Kong and Singapore are comparable in many aspects since they were both British colonized trading hubs. If one plans to investigate a society in a more economical way, classifying typical types of cities of a society can be a recommendation.

Last but not least, the observation of characteristics may not be achieved merely by visiting major cities. Culture and philosophy of a society do not reflect superficially. It requires a longer and in detailed observation to figure out miscellaneous rituals and the rationales behind them. In that sense, visiting major cities may not be an effective way to understand a society comparing to research and read about its histories, geography and customs.

                                                                               

All in all, it is not necessary for one to visit all the major cities to understand the characteristics of a society, because major cities may not preserve a compete profile of culture; major cities can be identical; and it may not be sufficient to understand a society by merely visiting cities.

Goodnight - Chinese Contemporary Poem

It is a long night. After I come back to my room, I felt a sudden loneliness. Also I know the lonsome won't be compensate by simple companion.
I feel like reading some poem. And here is my final work.

Geek Vs. Hipster