Post-Exam Vacuum

From last night, my winter vacation of year 2011 has officially started. I am very grateful that my academic result finally gets some improvement. It is still not perfect; I know there were much more I could have done. However I think I had a quite calm, hardworking and steady semester this time. Life has changed significantly since last sem. When I opened my black dairy notes, I could hardly believe all of the events happened in just one year.

Guokr released an article said, time become a blurry mass once our daily experience becomes nearly identical. 100%, I agree with the author. New experience always made me feel refreshing and awake. J said he starts every morning reading Bible, for me, every morning when I opened my eyes I know there is more things to create and experience in this short time zone offered to me; I am excited, and simply grateful for the chance to live and feel in this world. What a blessing!
Rejoice with the lord.

If you know me, if you do, you surly know I am having something on. For this time, I want to follow my heart the listening to the callings deep in my heart. Who am I? How could you be sure who am I based on daily observation? It might be the physical or temporary me at that moment, but who I really am is an unsolved puzzle yet.

I am curious about the answer as well.

Yesterday, during my IS2104 Exam, I liberate my finger flipping the thick notes and articles we studied for this sem. Being an USP students, sometimes I noticed that we are expecting to deliver that level of academic result. We are supposed to be very good in logic, expression and have a pure heart for academic, which are the things I rarely strive myself to do after I came here to Singapore.

All the realities star from a simple dream. When I watched Taylor on NYT, I finally convinced and surrendered to the gorgeous style she has. At the same time start wondering. “What is your deep secret desire that you want to achieve in this life? “


Without a explicit conclusion, I would like to leave the answer to my daily life and performance.

Here is the things I am recently hooked up with :


CD. baby[The co-op Business Model] [Chinese Version]

I met Derek Sivers at INK 2010. He is a very friendly and humble person, sharing about why failure is important for one to become successful. It was a fairly amusing and inspiring talk at the same time. I am inspired at what he sharing of the difficult jobs he has done for getting license and set up online web portal. That strengthened my desire of learning web design and put into more hard work in the MDA visiting program I am working on currently.


Spotify

As a newly merged music company, Spotify utilizes social network as a platform for people to share music quickly. It hits 70,000 paid user after one week. Compared with MOG, Rhapsody, and Gooveshark, Spotify smartly uses the social network effect in Music field, when sharing music with your friends become as simple as clicking a button, music just become a connection rather than a self entertainment. And I firmly believe that is the essence of music, it serves as an element of social life for people to express and connect.


TribeHouse [Music Page of Facebook]

If Spoify is business model, there do exist something more artistic and pure. Thanks to J, I begin to know tribe house. He comes from a musical community and several of the singers are actually his friends. Musicians have never been a massively profitable career. Expect few luck dogs made their works as consumable products, a lot of artist are struggling with real life problems, sometimes, that means financially. But I believe that is the magical power of music. It has something purely spiritual that make you content regardless of the common understanding of living a rich life. When you have an enriched life, less likely you are still keen in seeking material possession.


P.s. There is no evil angel, but love.

Enlightenment

I did not have good quality of sleep for a long time, but recently it become more serious.
I could not sleep, I could not find the content or peace in my heart. There is something that has not been settled.

I used to have a self-hatred emotion for very long, but luckily someone, my dear Yu Xi, have helped me to realize the ridiculous and wast of having such poisoning mood. I am pretty sure I enjoyed life most of the time, seeking every opportunity to utilize my sensors, smell, sight, hear, feel more alive in every moment. But still, I realize, I am not satisfied. I tried to find the satisfaction in my dinner plate. I ate a lot, good food and bad food. But none of them helps. It do gave my a stuffy feeling in the stomach, but I am not contend, there is something not settled in my heart.

Maybe, it's love? That's a too easy conclusion to drawn. I have to admit, partially it is.
I am a strange case. Never had I lacked of someone chasing after, but I am picky about the one I feels 'right'. Picky, not necessarily being unrealistic and with a high standard. I believe everyone have their judgement. I am not saying those I did not pick is bad. Just, only a small amount of people can encase your heart beat. The small portion of human race, maybe one or two on this planet.

Few days ago, I talked about sex with one of the boys living on my floor. Seriously, we talked about that. I was surprised he told me when he found his girl friend was not a virgin, he was very disappointed. I though westerners are open to experience. However, maybe I am wrong. And he encouraged me to wait until I find the one who can give me the vow. The kind of vow that  Z gave J, and made me cried. I felt blessed to hear those advice. There are little desires in me make me feel like being adventurous. I am glad there are consistently people around me, and remind me of being patient, the importance of integrity and the benefit of waiting for the moment to come.

And I know, a companion, a normal companion or those so called boyfriend won't satisfied me. There is something deeper not settled in my heart.

Yesterday I went down stairs and begin to play piano. I am not very professional. I regret that when my mum suggest me to change to Professional Piano stream, I refused and keep on going with my electronic organ. I thought it was awesome. You could play as a orchestra on your own. But few of the technique I learned made me feel proud now. While at the moment my finger touted the keyboard. I fell free again. I do not care. I do not care whether I am good or not. The only thing I know is I am free.

That is my little enlightenment recently. I have a true interest in music. I cannot let it go. It is risky, like be in love with someone you might never be qualified to be with. But I love the thrill feeling, and the wonderful feeling of being free.

All in all, the things I want to achieve over these few years are pretty clear now. Be a song writer, learn language, keep study and reading, know more about finance and technique terms to find a job and make a living.

When I searched my classmates once I had in China on SNS, I noticed the huge changes everyone has. We are not changed to bad , or changed to good. We just changed to something more like ourselves.

Pray Request: Dear father, I hope you could help me to find peace so that I could focus more on my paper. I do wish to graduate with in the community. I love them, I love the people I am living and studying with now. All the glories are credited to you.

Sincerely
Y

Swim Against the Current

Sigh.


So they say

There are other fishes in the sea

But the only one that’s missing

is the one that swims for me.

And so you say,

“Oh dear just wait patiently,

Love will come along, eventually.”




So I tried to swim against the current

To live my life and let me be

So don’t cast me a line

‘cause I’ve run out of time

To live a lie




I can’t deny

You’ve hooked me so deep again

With your smart and witty lines

You have soiled my disguise

and then the waves

oh the waves they come crashing down

when I see the look in your eyes

when you’re watching her walk by




“If you’re looking to fit in then join the rest

‘Cause you know you’ll only end up second best”

They said,




If you want to swim along the current,

then act and speak the way we do

You may be untrue

but if you’d rather be us

Then why be you.




What a beautiful lie, to live.




So I’ve learned to swim against the current

To live my life and now I’m free

Because honestly,

there’s no one else I’d rather be.

So watch me leave

致小囧

亲爱的小囧，

11月17号是你的生日，相信多年前那特别的一天，很多人因为你的出世而欣喜若狂，多年后的今天，11月17号对你的朋友们来说是个值得庆祝的节日，相信在将来及将来的将来，11月17号这一天是永远充满精彩和快乐的。

【初遇】
“第一次见面看你不太顺眼” 这绝对是一个假命题，虽然放在当时的情景，也并不全无可能。第一次见你是什么时候呢？是三年之前拉布拉多的元旦联欢会吧，你是当晚的主持，和小白搭手（如果我没有记错男主角的话）。印象中你穿了一件红白条相间的棉连衣裙，主持风格是自然而得体的，没有一点背稿子，或者拘谨的感觉。喜欢主持的我自然要对当晚的主持人特别留心，“好一个漂亮大方的川妹子” 我心中暗想，对于你的主持范，亦是心服口服。

故事的开始大约真是因为在人群中多看了你一眼。当时我断定我们是不一样的女孩，从来没料想过，日后我们会成为最亲密的朋友。

【色彩】
 认识你之后，我的生活渐渐变得色彩丰盈，Toast Master，华新晚会，Cyema，CAPE；你的灵魂里有一柱明亮的光源，散发出轻盈的光芒，让人神往。
能够做梦的年华是短暂的，在能做梦的时光里和有勇气去追求的人一起疯狂，一起寻找内心的声音，我倍感自己的幸运。
有人说，女生之间不可能存在真正的友谊，所有的甜美表面之下，都有千丝万缕盘综错乱的妒恨和算计。
不嫉妒你，是难的。有几人能集合那优雅的谈吐，美丽的外表，永不熄灭的干劲？“珠宝和你的光辉比起来，都要显得暗淡”。这样的赞美于你，一点也不过分。所以每每因为你把自己置于闪光灯下，而小小不屑的时候，我清楚地知道，那是我心里任性的小女孩，在哭喊着也要得到糖的甜。这是多让人讨厌有真实的人性！

不过近来渐渐感到大家都在成长，有了共同的目标和各自专注的方面，不再执着与自己的位置和所得。常常想，等到我们七老八十，再聚首的时候，眼神里都会有平和和幸福的光辉。年轻时那些决口不说的小情绪，都会成为一笑而过的旧事吧？

朋友，永远不是简单的概念，如同B&S，有着单纯与不单出的种种，然而你知道这盘根错节是因为命运的相连，无所谓世事的裁决和评判，但为活过一次间相知相识的畅快。

【华年】
前两天看你在JC的照片，下面的注释是：当年17岁的你，现在21岁了吧，你还好吗？
我忽然惊惶，细细一算，果真我们已经走过了在新加坡这一晃即逝三年岁月。一想自己的年纪，我便手足无措。一直以为，我们可以等，等到自己准备好，等到愿望都实现，等待事情完全像我们预期得一样发展。可惜，这世界上并没有这样一块许愿石，来帮我们完成所有梦想，我们只有短暂的年华，有限的精力，如每一个人一样。只是勇敢的灵魂，愿用这短暂的人生，写下精彩的篇章。
你的愿望，一直是，找一个和你一起闯，一起拼的男人。我注定做不了男人，又生性爱自由，不过这并不代表我不能完成和你一期闯拼的期许。至少你于我，是上苍赐予的最美的礼物。

礼物来得太慢太晚，祈祷，希望新的一年，拖沓不再是习惯~ 加油~

Remote

The best thing of a digital age is you could live a mark wherever and whenever you are.
The question is how to leave a meaningful one.

Say Goodbye to Data Smog

An article by Andrew Weil, M.D was released yesterday on Time Ideas --Why 'Data Smog' may make you depressed.  
We are witnessing the revolution of information. Information overload leads to stress, especially when much of that information is useless. The suggestions given in the article including: 

Deleting, without remorse, all games from my computer and mobile devices.

Refusing to aimlessly surf the web. I always have a specific object in mind, and resolve to seek only that.

Handling e-mail almost exclusively on my desktop computer, almost never on my cell phone or notepad.  When I leave my office for the day, usually in the afternoon, I leave the computer and e-mail behind until morning.

Overloaded information of course will become a distraction, but should we banned aimlessly surfing the internet? The top liked response to the article is : Funny thing, I wouldn't have seen this article if I refused to aimlessly surf the web!

According to Eastern Philosophy, everything has a balance, which is so called 'Zhong Yong'.  It is not an approval for mediocre performance, but a profound appreciation of the relationship between extreme and optimal. Another famous Chinese author, Lin Yutang once said, 'A tendency to fly too straight at a goal, instead of circling around it, often carries one too far.' Therefore, I worried that following the suggestion given by the author, we might not achieve real clarity and peace, but hold ourself from possible inspiration and enlightenment. 

After reconsidering his points, I decide to keep the habit of 'searching web aimlessly',  however, accommodated with several ruled customized for myself. 

1. Pay attention to topic that you are browsing. Financial news will help you be familiar with term and situation in financial world. Music sound track and MV always lights up my day. 

2. Not only be a pasive receiver but response to the information you received. Write a short article, discuss it with friends. 

3. Use it as a relaxation. New knowledge and information is a good break out of your zone. After working on your interest, get back to your work with improved efficiency. 

4.  Less Signing up. A lot of website do not have rich content, on the contrary they are asking for your detailed information again and again. Be cautious and do not waste your time on signing up. 

5. Always be clear what is your main task. Prioritize your task, and put yourself under control but not aimless most of the time. 

I will do everything for love

Started my day with a fresh smile.

I updated my FB status: another awesome day. Lord, I ask for nothing but to rest in your Grace. Few likes  was clicked quickly. The world densified into a cosy small dot again when I heard people from different nations.

The photos on Zach and Jan's Wedding was put up. J and G are freaking good-looking! I could not believe why some guys keeping saying I look stunning  and slim, when I am obviously getting flabby arms. Oh, they made me so sad.

But how could we just say no to a delicious life. No. I hope we could solve this soon. What do you say, lazy lady?

I get yu xi's phone call around 9pm. She is organizing the first Singapore Mandarin TCC！ I have to admit that I was very pissed off by the experience I had in ECI.  However after few months of meditation and deeper reflection. I gained a new understanding of consciousness, and what are the wonderful things it could do for us. She asked me, did you keep writing songs? I said, once but not very productive. Study is on the top of my priority list. 

You are still care study that much? Have you ever planed for your future? What do you really want to do? She asked. I was terrified to see myself to go graduate school doing things only for exam and live for grade only.  

Yeah, to an extend she is clearly correct. I might not need all the stuffs about computer, software and what ever the school try to dump in my head. At the sometime, no one could deny that school is a wonderful training process. It is not about the knowledge, but the thinking methodology and depth of your thoughts that matters. 

How should we enjoy life in this ever chaining world? How should we think differently. Who made us free? If you ever think deep enough. 

Vusi from Africa, the great rapper pocked me on FB at night. I told him that I am looking forwards to sing with him again, and he encouraged me to pursue my love in arts parallel with my other stuff. 'Your voice is beautiful!' I was very grateful he said so. 'You made feel like a real singer when we sing together! Singing again? For sure. I would like to be your producer one day！' such a big complement! 

Anyway, the moral of this article is: i have heard enough about what I should do and what I should not. Some suggestions are very helpful, while some just made me feel burdened and confused. Little thing, you do have a mind, why do not think for yourself? 

I will do everything for love. Form today on, I will only live for love. I have faith in my choice. The feeling is as strong as few years ago I said I love you and burst into tears on the street. I thought I would die for you. You could take me if you ask.  I think the old me have already died for you. 

Except the pain, if I have another choice, I will do the exact same thing for my love. 

I only live for love. I only do things that I love. This is my life. This is my Fate. 

I will do everything for love. 

10 Steps to Becoming a Great Web Developer

做CS2102的project时变得很被动，组里都是参加IOP的强人，搞得我想贡献也跟不上。撇开借口不说，还是自己的实力不济。做出一个好网站一直是我的一个愿望。几天前在浏览网页时忽然想通自己喜欢媒体的话网络是绝好的发展方向。和传统的电视及广播传媒不同，网络传媒有如下几个基本优势：

1. 形式更加多样：
网络支持文字，图片，视频，音频等等各种形式的信息储存方式，一个网页平台就可以涵盖书籍，电视，电台等各种传媒的功能。

2.互动性强：
网络传媒是一种民主的传媒方式。受众不再单方面的承载信息，相反，他们本身也是生产内容的个体。正是由于这种特点，网络传媒的用户对信息有更多掌控，从而更愿意使用网络传媒的方式。这也是为什么如今大家都不再看电视，而是转向网络的原因之一。

3.限制少，创作自由度大：
迄今为止，网络的广大空间尚未被完全发掘，关于虚拟空间中的行为规范，道德标准等等都是灰色地带话题。从而，网络内容不需要官方的批准就可以发表，这也决定了网络传媒可以独立服务于信息产生者单方，而不迁就，顾忌政策和观点的政治立场。

4. 应用广泛：

无论是创业公司，银行业，艺术画廊等等，现在都有自己的虚拟形象。当然根据不同性质的公司，对网络设计的创新，内容的充实以及信息传播的准确性要求都不尽相同，然而很肯定的一点是，在不久的将来一个好的站点对个人的团体都是必备的。

5.是与第三方（客户）关系管理的重要渠道：

网络是最容易接触到客户的途径了，一个优秀的信息系统可以增进客户和服务方的联系及服务满意度。

6. Start-up 必备：

现在创业变得越来越虚拟，我们不需要工作间，不需要办公室，只需要建立一个网络门户就能接发订单，随时随地地为自己的账户创收。

7. 传统传媒的新方向：

对自己人生的期待，总共那么几个。今天遇到了来自加利福尼亚UC的Jay, 他主攻美国及亚洲关系，并且希望以电影的方式来传播自己的观点。我和他简要阐述了自己的兴趣。喜欢电影，但是担心新加坡市场不够好，去美国不易融入主流，等等。他说电影真正需要的是一个好故事，去学校接受专门的训练当然是好的，可是作为爱好其实有很多可以直接上手来做。

不知道是不是人以类聚，最近身边出现越来越多学媒体或film的人。希望这种inspiration可以持续。All in all 我想说的是，网络也将是视频传播的最大平台，而现在无论是摄影或录制技术都离不开电脑的后期制作。在某些minor 的角度，对code，文件格式，电脑图像，屏幕等等的进一步了解，对我的梦有利无害。

是否是我太过木讷，直到今天才明白这互联网给我们带来的真正自由。我拥抱这自由，同时激动得热泪盈眶。简而言之，在花了一段时间学习adobe photoshop,fianl cut pro, dreamweavwer, premier 之后，也许是时候进一步深入，去探索digital Media的奇妙世界。

下面贴上这篇

For those of us who are already web developers it may seem obvious but when you just getting started and don’t know what to do, it is nice to have guide where to start.

1. Learn HTML
HTML or Hyper Text Markup Language is the markup language for web pages, it is the heart of web pages, so this is what you should aim first. HTML is easy to learn, but it is also easy to misuse them. Learn it right, and you’ll get one of your fundamental as web developer.

Resources
HTML Dog
Getting started with HTML
HTML W3C school tutorial

2. Learn server side scripting

Learning server side scripting is fundamental for web developer, pick one of server side scripting language and try to master it. Here some of your choices :
PHP
Python
Ruby

3. Learn SQL

Building dynamic web pages will get you to learn about database. While there are so many database engine, most of them understand SQL language. If you want to speak with your database then learn this language.



Resources
SQL W3C school tutorials
MySQL Homepage
Wikipedia on SQL

4. Learn CSS

When it come to presentation of your web pages, use stylesheet. This is where CSS will help you. So put some of your time to learn this stuff.

Resources
HTML Dog
CSS Zen Garden

5. Learn Javascript

While most of today web programmer love jQuery, learning basic syntax and how to program in javascript will give you more skill in the long run.

Resources
Javascript tutorial on Webmonkey.com
Javascript W3C school tutorial

6. Learn regular expression
While it is not as important as the others, but knowing about regular expression, and how to use it will definitely save you a lot of time. From validation to highlight words, you can do it easy enough in regular expression.

7. Get yourself basic knowledge of UNIX/Linux

It is optional, but knowing some of basic linux command won’t hurt you. Maybe you don’t know, but most of web server is running on unix/linux platform. If I were you, I’ll get started learning this basic command.

8. Knowing web server

You don’t need to be a master on this part, but it is really nice to know about basic apache configuration, .htaccess tricks. Learning one or two about apache web server won’t waste your time.

9. Get a hand on version control

Learning on how to use version control is one good thing to do. You’ll thank to for yourself for learning this.

10. Learn web framework

After get your hand on HTML, server side scripting language, css, javascript, then it’d be better to choose a web framework to speed up your development. Using framework can save you time. If you’re into PHP, you can go with CakePHP, CodeIgniter, Zend, and many more. Python lovers can go withDjango, webpy, RoR for Ruby programmers.

The light

小囧说，你该尝试写写博客，也许比你想象的花得时间少。

文字是审视自我的过程，是思绪最清晰的线路图。人的意识与潜意识是我最近太喜欢的话题。存在于人们大脑中的概念，内在的状态和客观世界的联系如此的复杂而奇妙。在网上下载了部分NLP的资料，它们让我感慨，让我释然。

生活，对于任何人来说都不是只有顺利和甜美的。2011、11、11果壳的创始人姬十三发表了一篇宏幅征婚启示贴—一个伪极客和创业者的诚意征婚http://www.guokr.com/post/72467/。 我看到忍俊不止。好一个崇尚科学却尝试小概率时间的创始人，一个名声在外却还在为事业拼搏的中年男子，一个注重对方精神内涵又不放低对外貌要求的理想主义者，征婚也要如此洋洋洒洒，他在期待生活中打开的另一扇窗，谁人何尝不是？

我觉得生活给了我足够的窗，目前我该做的是把自己培养成像样的风景。生活无法被拯救，丰富的人有更多权力互相吸引。

在Zach的婚礼上与众多人重逢。我带了J来，心里忐忑着自己这样做的动机。我看到他眼里的锋芒，以及那之后一整晚的冷嘲热讽。在还没开始之前，我们就算是完了。他说你若真是喜欢白人，想要结成像我和Jan一样的夫妇，不妨像我们讨教。Time will tell. 我轻描淡写了自己的落寞。若我能置身事外，一样会嘲笑自己这不合时宜的一厢情愿。

在我流着眼泪听完你的誓言之后，我已经决定放手了。如果我能祝福你，那是因为主让我相信我们有不同的宿命。在遥远之外，我埋葬掉自己的小心思，我只希望你幸福。

回到自己的生活圈，这个星期有几件让人开心的事情，当然也夹杂着几件伤心事。最让我开心的是得到了Prof.D 的中肯，和她通完电话整个人精神的了一圈。Raymond还在帮助，如果能争取到USP的支持，Richard Sgn的亲名认定，就是如虎添翼。虽然和MDA最开始的通话有了冷场，但这是和政府部门打交道的绝好锻炼。

在和mattias一起奋战了好几个晚上之后，CS2100顺利拿了满分。有付出就会有回报的，每次看他学中文的认真劲儿，总是很受鼓舞。

在我来到这个岛国的时候，我觉得生命是一片黑暗，我是带着一颗破碎的心而来。你不必问，关于一个十年的故事。最近隐约感到生命中的光亮。

J说，我能帮你祈祷么？我喜欢他没有压力的声音和笑容。我也喜欢他的故事，那个曾经凭足球赚的名利双收的他，已经谦卑了自己，投于主的怀抱。我开心的，是这些小有成就的人一直就在身边，激励着我前行。

有时会埋怨自己不够优秀。现在学会慢慢放下self-hatred情绪。与其恨自己，不如集中精力继续努力。我已经足够幸运，比如Alvin一如既往的慷慨，周一回和及jerry Ye讨论mobile 公司的事情。比如Eng Tat 提供的Eon实习机会。 我很吃惊的发现NUS内部小圈子的紧密，大家都彼此熟悉。

我知道那光来自己于你，主，我不祈求更多，只想在你的恩赐里完美。

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