Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The old Topic, Love

I was chatting with S this morning, and he was kind of complaining how easy it is to get a girl in HK if you are an investment banker, which eventually make him feel sick. Then we embark on the forever no-ending topic: Girl is chasing after money and Guys are chasing after sex. 

It is cynical. I have to admit I find investment banker sexy, too. Money is important as in it is a side prove of a man's quality and capability. Also it will be the foundation of one's confidence most of the time. But it takes greater courage, deeper bond, and longer time to reach that stage. 

Someone asked me, do you love him? I was confused because i have never thought about that. It become tricky then, because I was treading my not loving emotion hoping that he will return me love. Also I am afraid that if I am in love and he is not, that will make me unbelievably stupid. 

What is the cost if you do love someone and regardless the outcome, you won't think less of yourself? 

I found this letter from Nobel laureateJohn Steinbeck(1902-1968)  in his book Steinbeck: A Life in Letters.

New York
November 10, 1958
Dear Thom:
We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.
First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.
Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.
You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.
But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.
Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.
The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.
If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.
Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.
It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.
Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.
We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.
And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

1 comment:

  1. The world says, Love is an emotion. Love has emotions, but emotions cannot be depended upon. They change like the wind. Love is a decision to benefit someone at your own expense. It is based on the value of the person you love. A person's value never changes, but when you are committed to a person their value increases, and makes you love them even more.