The power of give and listen

:: Give ::
Finally I mounted all my courage to meet my dean.

I saw my academic supervisor right out of the corridor. He frowned his eye browns, with a angry look. I am sorry to say so, but I have never had a good experience with him. That's maybe because he made me project some bad memories.

In contrast, I feel a loving glow in T's room. His NUS striped tie hanging at the back of the door, made me thought of dad.

After half an hour's talk, my burdened heart seems relieved. I have never thought he would like to supervise the project our team is working on. I felt so grateful for his surport, at the same time gained more confidence in the passion we have for music.

It is never easy, but I think if we can get people more connected through music, what a better world it will be? Good quality is not about $, while people are willingly paying for good quality.

:: Listening::

Sending messages on linked in to E. I am amazed seeing his profile. Such a accomplished person! I enjoyed reading his recommendation to one NUS student, specifically he mentioned her listening skills. Although I got 180 in Mensa test and rated at 99% of the population, I felt there are much more I can improve if I can pay more attention to listening and details.

Stay humble, keep learning.

The learner, the moment.

You are not going to believe me, if I told you I found my courage in academic work from Miranda Kerr.

She has a sexy, sweet, and yet very strong character. Being a super model, a hot mom, published a book, and started her own business, at the same time enjoy her every moment with her handsome and successful husband. Isn't she obtained everything a woman could possibly dream about? 

When she was asked, "how could you achieve so much." She said it is all about the plan. 

I was motivated, and thinking of plan my future. 

I am going to be really really focused, and one day I will realize my dream. I told myself. 

But wait. Aren't I quite focused and hardworking? But am I satisfied with my life now? Well, partially. Sometimes, I feel lucky that I am involving with the most brilliant human beings on the earth. When my friend said, I really admire Keven Kelly. I told him the author is my facebook friend. 

I feel you can have a direction and leave more options to life will be a wise decision. Do not try to intervene life too much. When it is time, it comes.

Therefore, I pray. I told all my wishes to God. And I want to start plan my life. But in a much more small scale. I just want to plan my time of today, of this week or this month. Everything else is left to Him to decide.

Be Still

In the age of internet and technology, every question seems can be asked online, and as long as you want to search, you will find some answers somewhere that suit your taste.

However, I think there are some questions that can never be perfectly answered. I am asking, searching and waiting. And here I want to share with you what do I think about them now.

Love 
I still do not know what is love. There are so many interpretations and answers, but I know there is a longing in my heart to validate my unique existence in the love from someone. I do not know wether I am asking too much. What I know is, love exists. I can feel it. I experienced it. It brings the most beautiful and brave part out of me. I am still learning how to express this tender yet strong power.

Freedom
Freedom is not to do whatever you want, but to live up to who you are no matter what's the circumstances. I wish to be free all my life. It's like running on the beaches and feeling that you could be forever young, right after your passion and dreams. Can we be like that? Can we be like the child for ever and ever?
I wish I can.

Dream
My dream has never been clearer, at the same time I have never felt this uncertain about where will I finally end at.
I have to be honest. I cannot fake my confidence up. But I will give it a try without concern about the final consequences. Destination is not the only thing matters, the journey makes us full.

Good night, my blog.

Embracing

Things begin to move fast in my life. Here is a quick update on what is happening those few days, and my feelings towards things.

UP Singapore 

I have been interested in entrepreneurship for quite while. Catching up with Siyan at SMU E-Corner give me a bunch of re-burst energy.  After months and years exploration, I am clear on where my interests lies. If you ask me to devote my life for it, I will. So why not step out and gain some meaningful experience in prototyping and pitching.
The idea of elderly turism indeed pulled a ring in my heart. Technology after all should be a mean but not the end. It is surprising for us to win the first place, at the same time it made great sense. God shows his grace, not by granted us with triumph, but showed me the tenderness and kindness in everyone will win over everything in the end.

iCommu Youth Community 

The highlight of the year should be my American Trip. http://www.icommu2012.org/

I have never thought it will become true. But it does. The lesson is dream bigger and never be afraid of taking actions. I have to admit that the effort be put in this project was not enough after we finished the trip. I hope after the meeting tonight, we can encourage more youth joined us to actively involve in our research and post-activity community development again. 

We are all gifted and talented, but without one and another, what we can achieve me limited. 

Comfort

Something I read on Chambers yesterday. 

---------------------------------------------------
We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to receive ourselves in its fires. If we try and evade sorrow, refuse to lay our account with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life； it is no use saying sorrow ought not to be. Sin and sorrow and suffering are, and it is not for us to say that God has made a mistake in allowing them. 

Sorrow burns up a great amount of shallowness, but it does not always make a man better. Suffering either gives me my self or it destroys my self. You cannot receive your self in success, you lose your head; you cannot receive your self in monotony, you grouse. The way to find your self is in the fires of sorrow. 

---------------------------------------------------- 

I sent it over to J, because that really remind me of one conversation we had about sorrow. I was trying to delete "regret" and "unhappy" from his vocabulary. However, we are being dishonest when we trying to deny the fact of sorrow does exist. The magic is how we respond to the sorrow and bitterness in life. Are we drived by the un-comfort  to search for solutions or we are stucked and crying over the poured milk or staying in the same old place lying to ourselves that everything will be fine. 

Amazingly, J replied he has a friend just lost her father, the message came in just in time to give her mind a moment of peace. 

I missed the sunshine in California. 

We stayed in a place called Maple Tree Inn in Sunnyvale for a reason.  North America, Los Angeles and Calgary, those names still echo in my dreams again and again. 

Shhhh..... Let's be patient and wait. 

Something Purely Cool 

Blessed, I met different people to talk about my Business Idea. Ciaran mentioned "Smule", a company working on technology and music based on a Stanford Research group.  I had few of their apps on my phone, but today, when I checked their new app Ocarina 2 I have to say it is something purely cool! A nice instrumental sound will come out of your phone when you breath towards the mic. 

Also with a reminder e-mail from Behance, I signed up as a creative account on the platform. I am an apprentice.Technology and creativity, let's make life rock~ 

Embracing, embracing the knowledge, insight and love he provided day by day. You send me a song called "crosstown traffic". The ambiguous and hidden massages. No, I did not slow you down. We constantly see each other might just because we are driving on the same gear.     

The pathway of possibilities

I used to believe a lot of things are not possible. Even yesterday, when I read Tanya's blog post, I though, oh Jes., there is no way I can achieve the same level of mastering of English. 

Sometimes it is sad to think about the fact, which I am a Chinese, and unfortunately also one that enjoy freedom of expression and never pay much attention in grammers and rules. 

But the question is never "can I do this" but "am I willing to do this no matter what it cost". Everything in life is never about ability but willingness. We fail, we fail hard, but as long as we are still working on it, and adjust our strategy every time we fail, we are still on the right track to find the way. However, the moment we think, "no, I cannot do that" and stop, we will never again close to our goal. 

Feeling is important. Your feeling about yourself, reflect in the impression you give to others. In another word, our relationship with others is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. And even if I think I love myself enough, without the framework of the whole world, I can never locate myself.
Self love for me does not come from just saying and accepting, but come from the clarity of who I want to be and the level of awareness to make myself truly that person.

Why? I asked myself, you work so hard and think so much? Because I never want to let you down. I never want to let the people I care and who cares about me feel disappointed. Even if I cannot do everything, there must be something I can do. And let me do these simple things well.

Never, never am I willing to say that I want to give up. Even though not everything happens according to my will, but I will never give up. Those things including being well educated, being lovable and being able to love, creativity, wealth and a sexy figure.

I always dreamed of being able to sing when I get married.
I always dreamed of being able to stand by your side, looking at your handsome face and saying, I love you since I am young.
I finally understand God's grace is powerful. Peace and joy is guaranteed in his blessing. so secure and certain.

Ruiqing get her intern at Yanglan Interview Group.
I am working for someone who can afford a Rolls-Royce for her father. What Alex has told me is happening again and again, while at the same time I know, what I observe and understand in my own eyes, counts as well.    

Yesterday, I checked Vera Wang's wedding design site. I will never dreamed about those things one years earlier. But now I dare to look at those and think, yes, I deserve it, too. I have worked so hard. I have followed so many rules that people keep talking to me. I deserve one of the elegant designs. Or I will design myself something similar.

The reason why I appreciate her work is that the material does not looks luxuries or boast like some of the big brand. It is elegant, gentle and delicate. It makes you feel so comfortable, peaceful and relax. You know you are part of the beauty. The settings is not to show off your success, but to tell the world loudly you are happy and so should they.

Yes, she is a part of the beauty, so can I. I felt so blessed that a lot of people like my various design. The image of me in my head get more and more clearer. 

When the time comes, I will stand besides you, singing, being your beautiful love. And the guests coming are blessed with his grace. I won't feel tiered or shamed or uncomfortable. I am depending on my own with his grace. The circle will come, the reality will be create. 

I am facing the world, healing myself.

Begin to understand I am on my own, I have to face to world alone. I have to define who I am and fight for that identity.

It is such a thrill feeling. Enjoyable, cool, but still thrilling.
God said you will ask for nothing in the end. I am not sure whether I have been holding something too tight. But maybe I have been holding too much. I am too proud to give up. It feels painful to admit 'No, I cannot do it'. Maybe, that is the time we should reflect on how to do things better and smarter.

Keep learning from the world. Every moment. Stay balanced inside, be still and be yourself. A total acceptance of  yourself is not only accept what you are good at, but also your pain, your regret and your mistakes.
Only then I can look at the world.

Currently I am working as a free lance designer in GKO. I still feel out of control of life. I know I have choices every moment, but the best choice for me I know seems not good enough.

But one day I will be the person I want to be. I will find the combination of media, tech and business.

Something interesting: A fashion student want to stay over my place on Coachsurfing. And another person want to catch up during the weekend. He is working with a local start-up in the field I mentioned. I am looking forwards to the chat.

My Prayer

Lord my heavenly father,

I shall offer you my gratitude, since you have showed great enlightenment to me .

We are nothing but your flawed kids running around the earth. You can hear me, you know my name and you called me often.

I attended the workshop of active listening this morning. Witnessing my schoolmates have great passion on the subject they are learning or the project they are running, I realized you have  plant a valuable seed in every person's heart. I know those wishes are as strong as mine, and I can notice they are struggling, self-doubting just like I do all the time. My passion is in media. But the boy want to be a teacher get critical. He said nothing was memorable about myself introduction. It sounds very veg.
What are the fact that is true between me and media？ I have learned electronic piano since 4 years old. I was the one of six in the city who obtain highest degree in music theory. And I got a full mark at that time. I won the first prize of TV emcee talent show national wide when I was 16. Hosted Mid-Autumn Festival of NUS during the first year I came to Singapore. I love singing still. Have be trained in Music Forest, and write a song for R at the end of the course. Dancing, I was involved in Jazztitude advanced beginner. Those are the connections I can think of that I have with arts and performance.

I know the only thing that stopped me from identify myself as an artist is that I am rational and intellectual as well. I know where the power come from. Never from artists but politician and economists. Lord I am too thirsty about power and material. Forgive me, forgive me that I am bothered by those concerns and refused your offering.

You are offering me a great life.

When I talked to my parents last night, with the NBC logo pillow. My entire person just lighted up. I am cheerfully talking about my dreams, my interpretation of the world and how can I contribute to it. I said I am so interested in music and film, even tho I am still on the way. I am not an genius. I am just a normal girl with a true love for art.

 If it going to be a challenging journey, let it be. I am not afraid. Without a music or song what are we. What can we be.

Ashton, my previews vocal teacher starts publish his original on Facebook. I am so glad of him that he finally make this step and begin to build his own dream.

Later today I begin to learn E-mail campaign. Sending those beautiful newsletters is a great joy for me.
Before I went to bed,  I watched a video online about a murder case in Dongyuan, China. It was so touching that I almost burst into tears. I have not cried for years I think. It is getting harder for me to be moved by videos and episodes. The video was made by the boyfriend of the girl who had been murdered. Every image is an expression of love and missing. Love, pure love, true love is so beautiful. And I finally realized it is all the wicked mind that keep us from growing.

So today you reveal yourself to me in a new level. I admire you Lord.
And I miss him.

Good night.





 

Feeling on Air

I am on the flight back to Singapore. Writing in the air is a new experience that I might get used to in the future. The trip to U.S is fantastic. I have finally seen the country I dreamed of with my own eyes. I have stood under the traffic light in the busy New York Street, watching the cars and people passing in a harry. I have finally visited the museums and the World Bank in Washington D.C. I have walked and participated ceremony on the Walk of Fame; tasted wine in Napa Valley and what’s more, sightseeing the night view of San Francisco on the cable car which is more than 100 years old.

It is barely hard for me to believe all of those actually come true. But yes, we did it. With Chinese people coming from all over the world, we successfully ran the trip in New York City and Washington D.C. We have managed to visit LinkedIn, Spotify, Asia Society United Nation and much more. 

These two years has been amazing for me. The inspiration starts in year 2010, December, when I volunteered at INK, the TED India conference, I know my whole perspective of the world have been changed. It is fascinating to know Min, Gaurav and Eddy.  Those people with a drive in life and thus attend high achievement. During the conference, I find people trapped in big corporations are mostly dull and pale. They do not have much to talk about on their own life and feelings. All what they are doing is to follow the rules and be an economic components on the huge money machine. Maybe that is the time I know that is not something I would like to sacrifice my life for.

I know I am not realistic when talking about all those stuff. But somehow I believe what I am dreaming of will come true someday. As long as I hold those dreams dear enough and trade it for nothing. The dream of stage, of creation, and of the most beautiful properties in human history is guiding me through all the darkness and difficulties. Noting, nothing could compare with the beauty of art, the astonishing form of human existence in delicate form of shadow and light. I do not know whether my words make any sense, but I am just so fascinated with the piece of work that gathers all human intelligence, sensation and imagination.

I stand in awe, and I know it is a blessing from God, to let us be able to create something like that. 

On the plane, I watched several movies and a TV series talk about call calendar, which gathering the most famous stars and photographers to shoot a female fantasy for  200 selective people. The models are gorgeous. Even as a female I have to admit there are something pleasant and beautiful about those bodies.   

It likes a feeling on air. It is art. The oxygen I am looking for, I know I could not live without the vibration. 

Hollywood Fantasy

Grace, Brain and I are living in Hollywood Boulevard now. Grace send out the email contains a list of LinkedIn Speakers. It feels like a dream, a dream that finally comes true. It is our trip, the iCommu trip. It is our song, our laugh and our memory.
This morning, after I get up and went to the small cafe beside the hotel. I heard people talking about film making. The area we lived in is far from luxury, since we are only student without incomes. But you can know that everyone lives here have a dream. They are somehow influenced by the culture. The LA culture, sexual oriented, attention thirsty, and vibrate.
We are lucky that we witness the ceremony at the Walk of Fame of Ellen K. Later, we sightseeing around Chinese Theater and Koadak Theater. Had a tour to the hollywood Sign later, and in the end, we passed by Hollywood Museum. There are much to see the to do here in LA. I wish I could have more time to reflect but it is already 2: 45 at night.

How I wish time past by slower.

Be still, hold on, Chase your dream.

Reality

It is always easier to run away from life. It is always easier for me to lost in my dreams. Those rosy images and lungent life style. Sometimes I feel life is in vein and empty. What's real? Is there anything even real? People trust you because they have a image in their mind about you.People like you because they have an imagination about you.Every time when I felt dry out,I think of J. I think of his genuine believe in Christ, and such a bliss felling he could always bring. Merging,I indulge myself in the swimming pool.it is good that I begin to exercise, and try to keep it a hour everyday. . If I lost interest, if I feel fake and out of touch. I know I should look for you Lord. I should trust your amazing plan for me. Like what seiya shared on Sunday, I was so moved by her destermination. The harshness in life she has been through, and the happiness she eventually obtained. I asked myself, what is my condition? Have I put enough effort to make my life work properly? Or I am constantly running away, and sold myself, do not worrie, because the world of imagination is so sweet and enchanting. I should be grateful.tho I do not have a boy friend, but I some how choose to ignoring this fact. I do not want to admit that I have lost the battle with life. I do not what to give up the things I like or the people I adore. I know that's why I am in pain, and I feel tourchtured by reality. Because I do not know the way to live like that. I do not know the way to live like what I dreamed. But that is reality. Was not it? A free lunch,a no work all play life can never happen to anyone. Hi reality, I am touching your harsh surface. I am smiling while I feel your coldness and ridgedness. Darling, I am not afraid. Let the syphone of bittersweetness keep going.I am not running away this time. I will look into your eyes and tell you I am ready for the play.

Life as a meditation

I am in NUS I3, thanks for my friend B. I might survive in this Holocaust Season. Every module is a war for me.
Sometimes, I feel life is awesome when you are surrounded with cool people.
It is like when two of your friends get in JP Morgen in Hong Kong and New York; one of your friends works in Credit Suisse Singapore; another is going to Washington  to start a company, how bad can you be.

I am not sure, I feel I am not very competent. S said I am much better than mainland people he met, yet I have to acknowledge the difficulties I have in English, in programming, in school. The intellectual game was once my favorite, now I get hurts, but I am not letting go.

Sure, quit is not in my dictionary.

Buddha once taught the general, the most efficient way of meditation is living as a meditation.

If it is so, the only enlightenment I got now, is that I shall be humble and humble.

Mar 25 2012, I need to face reality.

I am living in a subjective world at the margin of reality, people said.
I become easy to be contented with this attitude. I lost in my day dream, they are vivid, colorful, reflecting on my ambition and real intention.

I know there are several deadlines, yet I went for After Effect Workshop, Cyema Talk to give a speech and met G after that. The home work is not very hard, at least IS3242. If it is not because of Language, I believe I am competent to deal to more complex and metaphysical problems. While I went to cheers for supper milk, I found hips of people are staying up, working.

I do not like stressed life. It is already 3 am and the truth made me feel uncomfortable. But I know this is the reality. Everyone is striving for their best. You have to take the battle, or die.

I paid the cashier, while thinking, is there anything I want to achieve not because of the economical reward, but the pure fact that I am content with my result.
I think arts. If I can create something beautiful, I will be happy.

May it be report, and scientific discovery? The IT analysis I am doing now? The programs I need to write for different modules. I shall try to program my neroathway in a new method.

Another thing about this blog is, the most visited posts are all about technology.

The women I love

Blogger I miss you

It has been a while since my last post on blogger. The new theme made me a little uneasy, too. Changing the looks to me is a change in personality as well, and is this a step towards who I want to be, or it is a emotional outlet, which often make me upset in the end?

I am a little bit tired of being "good" and "nice". Smile and surpress all my feelings to play safe. No, it is a vanish to boast oneself, but there is no harm to be yourself, be true and breath freely. Right, I am looking forwards to some excitement, some fun, and an excellent story .
I haven't spent a long time in Singapore since back from term break,  but unfortunately, I have had several good arguments with people I thought is friend, and with people I thought trust worthy. I wish I misunderstood you, M, if you happen to be still reading this blog. I saw the green tiny spot shining besides your name on Facebook several time, but we have never talked since the goodbye. Chinese, you once made me almost forget this label can cause complicated chemical reactions, like look down upon, feeling cheap, bored, cheated. And your words are like icy water pouring down my head, extinguished the last smoke of spurious comfort I said to myself. It is still a label, a label contains such a rich meaning, so that someone hate it, someone throw it into dust, and someone fear it. And I will put it on my forehead no matter where I go. I will hold it till I die.

This semester shall be very interesting: NAFA, HCI, management, and social enterprise. My internship with EON went on to the right track. I enjoy seeing customers coming in the studio and try out interactive 3D scenes. Create, is indeed the most beautiful gift we could have. I do not know how much pay this job could get me to. People usually think banking is a very well-paid business, and so is it. But I am still young, and truly believe material alone won't satisfied me. Why no try to do something more interesting and exciting? E.g. Design, Music, New Media. Recently I am reading a journal of an European Pianist. I love his interpretation of Arts and the Expression of arts. 'They do not realize they are dealing with the most valuable thing in human history' he said. I have to put up both of my hands to show my agreement.
If one notice the measurement of human emotion, if one mastering the technic of creating feelings and emotions, what a rich life he\she could live？

Though I love it, but I am a clumsy learner. Guitar, piano, coding, writing and design, let my short life filled with real joy, please.

Post-Exam Vacuum

From last night, my winter vacation of year 2011 has officially started. I am very grateful that my academic result finally gets some improvement. It is still not perfect; I know there were much more I could have done. However I think I had a quite calm, hardworking and steady semester this time. Life has changed significantly since last sem. When I opened my black dairy notes, I could hardly believe all of the events happened in just one year.

Guokr released an article said, time become a blurry mass once our daily experience becomes nearly identical. 100%, I agree with the author. New experience always made me feel refreshing and awake. J said he starts every morning reading Bible, for me, every morning when I opened my eyes I know there is more things to create and experience in this short time zone offered to me; I am excited, and simply grateful for the chance to live and feel in this world. What a blessing!
Rejoice with the lord.

If you know me, if you do, you surly know I am having something on. For this time, I want to follow my heart the listening to the callings deep in my heart. Who am I? How could you be sure who am I based on daily observation? It might be the physical or temporary me at that moment, but who I really am is an unsolved puzzle yet.

I am curious about the answer as well.

Yesterday, during my IS2104 Exam, I liberate my finger flipping the thick notes and articles we studied for this sem. Being an USP students, sometimes I noticed that we are expecting to deliver that level of academic result. We are supposed to be very good in logic, expression and have a pure heart for academic, which are the things I rarely strive myself to do after I came here to Singapore.

All the realities star from a simple dream. When I watched Taylor on NYT, I finally convinced and surrendered to the gorgeous style she has. At the same time start wondering. “What is your deep secret desire that you want to achieve in this life? “


Without a explicit conclusion, I would like to leave the answer to my daily life and performance.

Here is the things I am recently hooked up with :


CD. baby[The co-op Business Model] [Chinese Version]

I met Derek Sivers at INK 2010. He is a very friendly and humble person, sharing about why failure is important for one to become successful. It was a fairly amusing and inspiring talk at the same time. I am inspired at what he sharing of the difficult jobs he has done for getting license and set up online web portal. That strengthened my desire of learning web design and put into more hard work in the MDA visiting program I am working on currently.


Spotify

As a newly merged music company, Spotify utilizes social network as a platform for people to share music quickly. It hits 70,000 paid user after one week. Compared with MOG, Rhapsody, and Gooveshark, Spotify smartly uses the social network effect in Music field, when sharing music with your friends become as simple as clicking a button, music just become a connection rather than a self entertainment. And I firmly believe that is the essence of music, it serves as an element of social life for people to express and connect.


TribeHouse [Music Page of Facebook]

If Spoify is business model, there do exist something more artistic and pure. Thanks to J, I begin to know tribe house. He comes from a musical community and several of the singers are actually his friends. Musicians have never been a massively profitable career. Expect few luck dogs made their works as consumable products, a lot of artist are struggling with real life problems, sometimes, that means financially. But I believe that is the magical power of music. It has something purely spiritual that make you content regardless of the common understanding of living a rich life. When you have an enriched life, less likely you are still keen in seeking material possession.


P.s. There is no evil angel, but love.

Enlightenment

I did not have good quality of sleep for a long time, but recently it become more serious.
I could not sleep, I could not find the content or peace in my heart. There is something that has not been settled.

I used to have a self-hatred emotion for very long, but luckily someone, my dear Yu Xi, have helped me to realize the ridiculous and wast of having such poisoning mood. I am pretty sure I enjoyed life most of the time, seeking every opportunity to utilize my sensors, smell, sight, hear, feel more alive in every moment. But still, I realize, I am not satisfied. I tried to find the satisfaction in my dinner plate. I ate a lot, good food and bad food. But none of them helps. It do gave my a stuffy feeling in the stomach, but I am not contend, there is something not settled in my heart.

Maybe, it's love? That's a too easy conclusion to drawn. I have to admit, partially it is.
I am a strange case. Never had I lacked of someone chasing after, but I am picky about the one I feels 'right'. Picky, not necessarily being unrealistic and with a high standard. I believe everyone have their judgement. I am not saying those I did not pick is bad. Just, only a small amount of people can encase your heart beat. The small portion of human race, maybe one or two on this planet.

Few days ago, I talked about sex with one of the boys living on my floor. Seriously, we talked about that. I was surprised he told me when he found his girl friend was not a virgin, he was very disappointed. I though westerners are open to experience. However, maybe I am wrong. And he encouraged me to wait until I find the one who can give me the vow. The kind of vow that  Z gave J, and made me cried. I felt blessed to hear those advice. There are little desires in me make me feel like being adventurous. I am glad there are consistently people around me, and remind me of being patient, the importance of integrity and the benefit of waiting for the moment to come.

And I know, a companion, a normal companion or those so called boyfriend won't satisfied me. There is something deeper not settled in my heart.

Yesterday I went down stairs and begin to play piano. I am not very professional. I regret that when my mum suggest me to change to Professional Piano stream, I refused and keep on going with my electronic organ. I thought it was awesome. You could play as a orchestra on your own. But few of the technique I learned made me feel proud now. While at the moment my finger touted the keyboard. I fell free again. I do not care. I do not care whether I am good or not. The only thing I know is I am free.

That is my little enlightenment recently. I have a true interest in music. I cannot let it go. It is risky, like be in love with someone you might never be qualified to be with. But I love the thrill feeling, and the wonderful feeling of being free.

All in all, the things I want to achieve over these few years are pretty clear now. Be a song writer, learn language, keep study and reading, know more about finance and technique terms to find a job and make a living.

When I searched my classmates once I had in China on SNS, I noticed the huge changes everyone has. We are not changed to bad , or changed to good. We just changed to something more like ourselves.

Pray Request: Dear father, I hope you could help me to find peace so that I could focus more on my paper. I do wish to graduate with in the community. I love them, I love the people I am living and studying with now. All the glories are credited to you.

Sincerely
Y

致小囧

亲爱的小囧，

11月17号是你的生日，相信多年前那特别的一天，很多人因为你的出世而欣喜若狂，多年后的今天，11月17号对你的朋友们来说是个值得庆祝的节日，相信在将来及将来的将来，11月17号这一天是永远充满精彩和快乐的。

【初遇】
“第一次见面看你不太顺眼” 这绝对是一个假命题，虽然放在当时的情景，也并不全无可能。第一次见你是什么时候呢？是三年之前拉布拉多的元旦联欢会吧，你是当晚的主持，和小白搭手（如果我没有记错男主角的话）。印象中你穿了一件红白条相间的棉连衣裙，主持风格是自然而得体的，没有一点背稿子，或者拘谨的感觉。喜欢主持的我自然要对当晚的主持人特别留心，“好一个漂亮大方的川妹子” 我心中暗想，对于你的主持范，亦是心服口服。

故事的开始大约真是因为在人群中多看了你一眼。当时我断定我们是不一样的女孩，从来没料想过，日后我们会成为最亲密的朋友。

【色彩】
 认识你之后，我的生活渐渐变得色彩丰盈，Toast Master，华新晚会，Cyema，CAPE；你的灵魂里有一柱明亮的光源，散发出轻盈的光芒，让人神往。
能够做梦的年华是短暂的，在能做梦的时光里和有勇气去追求的人一起疯狂，一起寻找内心的声音，我倍感自己的幸运。
有人说，女生之间不可能存在真正的友谊，所有的甜美表面之下，都有千丝万缕盘综错乱的妒恨和算计。
不嫉妒你，是难的。有几人能集合那优雅的谈吐，美丽的外表，永不熄灭的干劲？“珠宝和你的光辉比起来，都要显得暗淡”。这样的赞美于你，一点也不过分。所以每每因为你把自己置于闪光灯下，而小小不屑的时候，我清楚地知道，那是我心里任性的小女孩，在哭喊着也要得到糖的甜。这是多让人讨厌有真实的人性！

不过近来渐渐感到大家都在成长，有了共同的目标和各自专注的方面，不再执着与自己的位置和所得。常常想，等到我们七老八十，再聚首的时候，眼神里都会有平和和幸福的光辉。年轻时那些决口不说的小情绪，都会成为一笑而过的旧事吧？

朋友，永远不是简单的概念，如同B&S，有着单纯与不单出的种种，然而你知道这盘根错节是因为命运的相连，无所谓世事的裁决和评判，但为活过一次间相知相识的畅快。

【华年】
前两天看你在JC的照片，下面的注释是：当年17岁的你，现在21岁了吧，你还好吗？
我忽然惊惶，细细一算，果真我们已经走过了在新加坡这一晃即逝三年岁月。一想自己的年纪，我便手足无措。一直以为，我们可以等，等到自己准备好，等到愿望都实现，等待事情完全像我们预期得一样发展。可惜，这世界上并没有这样一块许愿石，来帮我们完成所有梦想，我们只有短暂的年华，有限的精力，如每一个人一样。只是勇敢的灵魂，愿用这短暂的人生，写下精彩的篇章。
你的愿望，一直是，找一个和你一起闯，一起拼的男人。我注定做不了男人，又生性爱自由，不过这并不代表我不能完成和你一期闯拼的期许。至少你于我，是上苍赐予的最美的礼物。

礼物来得太慢太晚，祈祷，希望新的一年，拖沓不再是习惯~ 加油~

Say Goodbye to Data Smog

An article by Andrew Weil, M.D was released yesterday on Time Ideas --Why 'Data Smog' may make you depressed.  
We are witnessing the revolution of information. Information overload leads to stress, especially when much of that information is useless. The suggestions given in the article including: 

Deleting, without remorse, all games from my computer and mobile devices.

Refusing to aimlessly surf the web. I always have a specific object in mind, and resolve to seek only that.

Handling e-mail almost exclusively on my desktop computer, almost never on my cell phone or notepad.  When I leave my office for the day, usually in the afternoon, I leave the computer and e-mail behind until morning.

Overloaded information of course will become a distraction, but should we banned aimlessly surfing the internet? The top liked response to the article is : Funny thing, I wouldn't have seen this article if I refused to aimlessly surf the web!

According to Eastern Philosophy, everything has a balance, which is so called 'Zhong Yong'.  It is not an approval for mediocre performance, but a profound appreciation of the relationship between extreme and optimal. Another famous Chinese author, Lin Yutang once said, 'A tendency to fly too straight at a goal, instead of circling around it, often carries one too far.' Therefore, I worried that following the suggestion given by the author, we might not achieve real clarity and peace, but hold ourself from possible inspiration and enlightenment. 

After reconsidering his points, I decide to keep the habit of 'searching web aimlessly',  however, accommodated with several ruled customized for myself. 

1. Pay attention to topic that you are browsing. Financial news will help you be familiar with term and situation in financial world. Music sound track and MV always lights up my day. 

2. Not only be a pasive receiver but response to the information you received. Write a short article, discuss it with friends. 

3. Use it as a relaxation. New knowledge and information is a good break out of your zone. After working on your interest, get back to your work with improved efficiency. 

4.  Less Signing up. A lot of website do not have rich content, on the contrary they are asking for your detailed information again and again. Be cautious and do not waste your time on signing up. 

5. Always be clear what is your main task. Prioritize your task, and put yourself under control but not aimless most of the time. 

I will do everything for love

Started my day with a fresh smile.

I updated my FB status: another awesome day. Lord, I ask for nothing but to rest in your Grace. Few likes  was clicked quickly. The world densified into a cosy small dot again when I heard people from different nations.

The photos on Zach and Jan's Wedding was put up. J and G are freaking good-looking! I could not believe why some guys keeping saying I look stunning  and slim, when I am obviously getting flabby arms. Oh, they made me so sad.

But how could we just say no to a delicious life. No. I hope we could solve this soon. What do you say, lazy lady?

I get yu xi's phone call around 9pm. She is organizing the first Singapore Mandarin TCC！ I have to admit that I was very pissed off by the experience I had in ECI.  However after few months of meditation and deeper reflection. I gained a new understanding of consciousness, and what are the wonderful things it could do for us. She asked me, did you keep writing songs? I said, once but not very productive. Study is on the top of my priority list. 

You are still care study that much? Have you ever planed for your future? What do you really want to do? She asked. I was terrified to see myself to go graduate school doing things only for exam and live for grade only.  

Yeah, to an extend she is clearly correct. I might not need all the stuffs about computer, software and what ever the school try to dump in my head. At the sometime, no one could deny that school is a wonderful training process. It is not about the knowledge, but the thinking methodology and depth of your thoughts that matters. 

How should we enjoy life in this ever chaining world? How should we think differently. Who made us free? If you ever think deep enough. 

Vusi from Africa, the great rapper pocked me on FB at night. I told him that I am looking forwards to sing with him again, and he encouraged me to pursue my love in arts parallel with my other stuff. 'Your voice is beautiful!' I was very grateful he said so. 'You made feel like a real singer when we sing together! Singing again? For sure. I would like to be your producer one day！' such a big complement! 

Anyway, the moral of this article is: i have heard enough about what I should do and what I should not. Some suggestions are very helpful, while some just made me feel burdened and confused. Little thing, you do have a mind, why do not think for yourself? 

I will do everything for love. Form today on, I will only live for love. I have faith in my choice. The feeling is as strong as few years ago I said I love you and burst into tears on the street. I thought I would die for you. You could take me if you ask.  I think the old me have already died for you. 

Except the pain, if I have another choice, I will do the exact same thing for my love. 

I only live for love. I only do things that I love. This is my life. This is my Fate. 

I will do everything for love. 

10 Steps to Becoming a Great Web Developer

做CS2102的project时变得很被动，组里都是参加IOP的强人，搞得我想贡献也跟不上。撇开借口不说，还是自己的实力不济。做出一个好网站一直是我的一个愿望。几天前在浏览网页时忽然想通自己喜欢媒体的话网络是绝好的发展方向。和传统的电视及广播传媒不同，网络传媒有如下几个基本优势：

1. 形式更加多样：
网络支持文字，图片，视频，音频等等各种形式的信息储存方式，一个网页平台就可以涵盖书籍，电视，电台等各种传媒的功能。

2.互动性强：
网络传媒是一种民主的传媒方式。受众不再单方面的承载信息，相反，他们本身也是生产内容的个体。正是由于这种特点，网络传媒的用户对信息有更多掌控，从而更愿意使用网络传媒的方式。这也是为什么如今大家都不再看电视，而是转向网络的原因之一。

3.限制少，创作自由度大：
迄今为止，网络的广大空间尚未被完全发掘，关于虚拟空间中的行为规范，道德标准等等都是灰色地带话题。从而，网络内容不需要官方的批准就可以发表，这也决定了网络传媒可以独立服务于信息产生者单方，而不迁就，顾忌政策和观点的政治立场。

4. 应用广泛：

无论是创业公司，银行业，艺术画廊等等，现在都有自己的虚拟形象。当然根据不同性质的公司，对网络设计的创新，内容的充实以及信息传播的准确性要求都不尽相同，然而很肯定的一点是，在不久的将来一个好的站点对个人的团体都是必备的。

5.是与第三方（客户）关系管理的重要渠道：

网络是最容易接触到客户的途径了，一个优秀的信息系统可以增进客户和服务方的联系及服务满意度。

6. Start-up 必备：

现在创业变得越来越虚拟，我们不需要工作间，不需要办公室，只需要建立一个网络门户就能接发订单，随时随地地为自己的账户创收。

7. 传统传媒的新方向：

对自己人生的期待，总共那么几个。今天遇到了来自加利福尼亚UC的Jay, 他主攻美国及亚洲关系，并且希望以电影的方式来传播自己的观点。我和他简要阐述了自己的兴趣。喜欢电影，但是担心新加坡市场不够好，去美国不易融入主流，等等。他说电影真正需要的是一个好故事，去学校接受专门的训练当然是好的，可是作为爱好其实有很多可以直接上手来做。

不知道是不是人以类聚，最近身边出现越来越多学媒体或film的人。希望这种inspiration可以持续。All in all 我想说的是，网络也将是视频传播的最大平台，而现在无论是摄影或录制技术都离不开电脑的后期制作。在某些minor 的角度，对code，文件格式，电脑图像，屏幕等等的进一步了解，对我的梦有利无害。

是否是我太过木讷，直到今天才明白这互联网给我们带来的真正自由。我拥抱这自由，同时激动得热泪盈眶。简而言之，在花了一段时间学习adobe photoshop,fianl cut pro, dreamweavwer, premier 之后，也许是时候进一步深入，去探索digital Media的奇妙世界。

下面贴上这篇

For those of us who are already web developers it may seem obvious but when you just getting started and don’t know what to do, it is nice to have guide where to start.

1. Learn HTML
HTML or Hyper Text Markup Language is the markup language for web pages, it is the heart of web pages, so this is what you should aim first. HTML is easy to learn, but it is also easy to misuse them. Learn it right, and you’ll get one of your fundamental as web developer.

Resources
HTML Dog
Getting started with HTML
HTML W3C school tutorial

2. Learn server side scripting

Learning server side scripting is fundamental for web developer, pick one of server side scripting language and try to master it. Here some of your choices :
PHP
Python
Ruby

3. Learn SQL

Building dynamic web pages will get you to learn about database. While there are so many database engine, most of them understand SQL language. If you want to speak with your database then learn this language.



Resources
SQL W3C school tutorials
MySQL Homepage
Wikipedia on SQL

4. Learn CSS

When it come to presentation of your web pages, use stylesheet. This is where CSS will help you. So put some of your time to learn this stuff.

Resources
HTML Dog
CSS Zen Garden

5. Learn Javascript

While most of today web programmer love jQuery, learning basic syntax and how to program in javascript will give you more skill in the long run.

Resources
Javascript tutorial on Webmonkey.com
Javascript W3C school tutorial

6. Learn regular expression
While it is not as important as the others, but knowing about regular expression, and how to use it will definitely save you a lot of time. From validation to highlight words, you can do it easy enough in regular expression.

7. Get yourself basic knowledge of UNIX/Linux

It is optional, but knowing some of basic linux command won’t hurt you. Maybe you don’t know, but most of web server is running on unix/linux platform. If I were you, I’ll get started learning this basic command.

8. Knowing web server

You don’t need to be a master on this part, but it is really nice to know about basic apache configuration, .htaccess tricks. Learning one or two about apache web server won’t waste your time.

9. Get a hand on version control

Learning on how to use version control is one good thing to do. You’ll thank to for yourself for learning this.

10. Learn web framework

After get your hand on HTML, server side scripting language, css, javascript, then it’d be better to choose a web framework to speed up your development. Using framework can save you time. If you’re into PHP, you can go with CakePHP, CodeIgniter, Zend, and many more. Python lovers can go withDjango, webpy, RoR for Ruby programmers.